Forgive, Forget, Flourish

I recently watched a video about forgiveness, it’s a theme that I have seen time and time again. When I look back over my old social media posts I can see how I used to hold onto grudges, be angry at people or hurt by them for months and it never brought me any comfort. No happiness came from it, no joy, only resentment, frustration, anger, bitterness, all negative things. That’s not to say I’m at the point where I don’t get offended, I do, and sometimes comments hurt. I find it immensely frustrating when people don’t think before they speak and I believe most people don’t even consider the effects of the words that leave their mouths.

I’m not a fan of conflict, drama, I don’t watch reality TV so I can see people bitching about each other or starting fights. That to me is dull and almost stressful. I prefer things that are removed from reality, they may involve trauma and death but the also involve love, and support and standing by those who need you or pulling together to over come trials and tribulations.Now I try not to be hurt by others, I try not to let their thoughts or comments on me pull me back to the bitter, angry person I was before. It’s an uphill battle, especially when those who are closest are the ones doing it, I try to weigh up the weight of it, if they said something off the cuff that hurt me, I have to decide if it’s worth bringing up, is it worth telling them or is it small enough to brush off and forget?

Not so long ago a conversation between friends which I was not actively involved in, became a bit of a rant fest that resulted in my career of choice being referred to as a waste of time, pointless, childish, immature etc. I forget the exact words, I just remember the feeling, the more they ranted and complained about the processes involved, the techniques etc the more it hurt me. Because I place a lot of faith in those techniques, they are what got me here, while they sat there saying it didn’t work and it was a waste of time, I was sat there thinking, but it worked for me, I did it, I still do and it’s helped me.

I allowed those words to hurt me, it felt like a deep gash in my chest, I actually sobbed. I was angry, how could they dismiss it so easily, knowing how many years I’ve studied to do that exact thing they were now insulting. Was it even worth it? How would I help people if they thought that way? Perhaps I wasn’t cut out for that career after all. I realise now they were the frustrated angry ones, they didn’t understand the process and so to them it felt like a waste of time. They didn’t give it a chance because they didn’t understand the point, so instead I decided that when I am finally in a position to do the job I want, I will explain the processes to my clients, I will tell them what the point is and why it’s so important to try, no matter how foolish they may feel to begin with.

Forgiving friends it harder than forgiving strangers, because it hurts more when we feel they’ve said and done something against us. Only you can decide if there is enough good to outweigh that negative moment. Whether you move on and severe ties, or you move on and mend bridges, remember don’t assume malicious intent, and be kind, as much to yourself as to others. It’s not always someone else you need to forgive, forgiving myself for all my mistakes is proving to be far harder.

I haven’t cracked it yet, I’m still learning, I’m still growing. I study, read, write, paint, photograph. I do things to help me see the world in a different, better way. And I hope that in time the peace and freedom of not being so easily hurt, of being able to roll my eyes and walk away will be mine. In the word’s of Freddie Mercury, I want to break free.

 

Published by Michelle Quinton

Mum, wife, perpetual student, freelance writer, weight loss coach, artist and occasionally model. I love to try new things, I love to write and I love studying and researching. Never thought I'd see the day that studying became something I enjoyed, but here we are. My blog is where I put my thoughts, I also plan to start a blog of short stories, with a new prompt for each story.

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